This article was originally published on Mako
Browsing real estate websites has become a form of entertainment for many people in recent years, even if they aren't actually looking to buy a house. While sometimes this can be about getting inspiration or seeing if your dream home really does exist, seeing just what kind of homes are currently on the market can also be wildly amusing. Some people have even taken this a step further and created a Reddit group to share the worst offenders, which are often overpriced or very poorly constructed. If you like castles and carpeted bathrooms, scroll on and get your offer ready.
A Mis-Sliding Ad
Overall, this apartment isn't the worst we've seen, but the way it was described in the listing - "open concept with one bedroom," is a bit of a stretch. Open concept is a popular trend in living spaces where walls and doors are removed to create one large room, and that's definitely an accurate description of this living room and kitchen area, but we have to disagree that it actually has one bedroom.
It's really more of a studio apartment, but the rent is as high as if it were a one-bedroom. A sliding door added to the middle of the space doesn't exactly mean a second room.
Jailhouse Rock?
To be fair, the rest of this house is in pretty good shape, but the basement is in need of some serious work. The house is actually the former sheriff's residence at a jail in Meriwether County, Georgia that was built in 1896 and from the look of the pictures in the listing, the basement hasn't been updated since. We're not sure whether the cells are more creepy or disgusting.
If haunted houses really exist, this one seems like a top contender. We can only imagine how scary it must feel to be in this house and hear a creak.
An Unlikely Combo
To each their own when it comes to decorating, but we have to say we think it would have been a good idea for the current homeowners to remove this lovely decal from the wall before putting photos of the house online for potential buyers to see. Not only is it weird and tacky, we're not sure why anyone would want to show off the fact that their kitchen and bathroom are the same room.
According to the description, the 'bitchen' is part of a garage and workshop that at least isn't part of the main house, but we'd still have to pass on any food prepared here.
Pool of Blood
This LA mansion belonged to tattoo artist Kat Von D before she decided to put it on the market, and we weren't surprised to learn of its former owner was once we saw this picture of the backyard. Kat is known for her gothic style, and we'd say this pool fits that description to a T. The rest of the house is also filled with lots of red, black, and gothic decor.
Do you like the pool, or do you think it looks too creepy to want to swim in? It also reminds us a bit of cherry Jello, which actually sounds like fun.
Delusions of Grandeur
There's so much to unpack about this bathroom, we're not even sure where to begin. First of all, nobody should ever cover their entire bathroom floor with carpet. It's sure to get at least a little bit wet, at which point you're basically asking for mold to take over. Beyond that, we have no idea what's going on with the columns, chandelier light fixtures, or the seahorse faucet in the tub.
The house is listed at $1.5 million, which seems a bit high given the house is such a fixer-upper, not to mention that it's located on a floodplain in Louisiana of all places.
Cash Castle
Do you know those gray Playmobil castles that we all played with as kids? That's what this house reminds us of. Or like, a Medieval Times restaurant. It's listed for $1.6 million, and while we have to admit there are some pretty cool murals painted on the walls inside, we also think that if the owner really wanted his house to feel like a historical castle, he could have afforded something a little less tacky.
Keeping with the theme, the inside is also filled with throne-like chairs and medieval archways. Money is clearly very important to the owner, judging by a neon sign in one room reading "CASH TALKS."
Infinite Storage
Who on earth could possibly need so. much. cabinet space?! Unless you're a family of 12, most people could probably live with about half this much. The house only has two bedrooms and bathrooms, so the rest of it probably wouldn't be big enough for such a large family anyway. From this picture alone we can count that this kitchen has at least 22 cabinets, and there are probably a few we can't see.
The best part of such a large kitchen would be having the space for all kinds of different appliances and gadgets, and yet there's only one electrical outlet as far as we can see.
Sia's Dream House
As the song goes, "I'm gonna swiiing, from one of the chandeliers!" On its own, the center lighting fixture isn't so bad, but why does anyone need a chandelier surrounded by a bunch of other little chandeliers? It looks like the sun being orbited by six planets, and the weird cloud painting on the ceiling certainly doesn't help. The house is grand, but this is just a little too extravagant.
It's a Texas mansion listed for $1.75 million and it has an elevator and several rooms made almost completely of marble, but we're convinced most of the value is hanging from the ceiling.
Room With a View
If there's one thing that should be considered the bare minimum, absolute standard in every house on the market, regardless of where the house is located, it's walls in the bathroom. An open-concept bathroom will not be a selling point for pretty much anyone, and what makes this even worse is that whoever decorated the space decided that a couple of glass walls next to the shower and toilet were sufficient.
It looks like this is an old house recently renovated. You'd think that if someone was going to spend so much money they could at least put up a door here.
Structural Support
We have nothing against columns, but this one seems a bit extravagant relative to the room it's in. Usually, columns are used inside to support the beams above them, but in this case, the column is probably a bit bigger than the beam its supporting requires. It looks like some kind of giant pepper grinder is holding up the house, which is on the market for a whopping $1.4 million.
The listing only included one picture of the kitchen, which is one of the most important spaces in the house, yet there were multiple pictures showing off this out-of-place column.
What Is This, a House for Giants?
We've seen one version of what excessive cabinet space in a kitchen can look like, and now we've got another. While the kitchen with 22 cabinets was a bit much, at least all of those cabinets were at a height that the average person could reach. We have no idea what the person who designed this kitchen was thinking - no one's going to be able to reach most of these.
Who wants to have to climb a ladder just to take out the cereal each morning? There has got to be a better way to design a kitchen with high ceilings.
Industrial Chic
For the low, low price of just $6 million, you can live in a house that looks like a cement factory located in rural Idaho! The entire house inside and out is made with concrete walls, and it gets worse. The entrance to the property is decorated with old sea mines and the pipes are exposed so you can see them running throughout the house. There's definitely something off about the place.
To each their own, but if we had this much money to spend on a house we would paint the walls and hide the pipes. And it wouldn't be in rural Idaho.
Obstacle Course Kitchen
It's not terrible, but there is just so much going on here that we're not even sure where to begin. This room alone has a lot of questionable elements - whatever those column/tree things are seem like a great way to accidentally hurt yourself on a near-daily basis, not to mention get lost in your own house. The floor plan shows that the rest of the rooms are equally angular.
It looks more like a hotel - it would be fun to stay in a place with this kind of design temporarily, but to live here would probably get old pretty quickly.
Animal House
Is a hallway full of balconies an odd design choice? Yes. But does this seem like it'd be a cool place to live? Also yes. Most of the building's inhabitants are college students and we can only imagine what a fun atmosphere this hallway must create. Sure, you can't enjoy fresh air or have a cookout like you could with a regular balcony, but that doesn't have to stop the party.
We'd have to imagine that these are multilevel units. Otherwise, how are the people who live on the upper floor supposed to leave without having to jump off a balcony?
Closet Space
Oh, New York. We love you, but this is just sad. This... closet (who are they kidding, it's inaccurate to call this an apartment) is listed at $950 per month and doesn't include a stovetop, private bathroom, or, from the looks of it, windows. While it's not unheard of for single rooms to be rented out anywhere, legally to be called a bedroom the space does have to have a window.
This rent is right around the limit of what a minimum wage worker in NYC could even afford. Working 40 hours a week should at least afford a person their own bathroom.
World's Largest Bathroom
Who could possibly need so much space in a bathroom, and for having so much space, we have to ask if this is the best possible way to utilize it. Surely, a walk-in bathtub or large waterfall shower would be more fun than the little tub in the corner, and there must be a more efficient way to warm up the room than by having nine vents on the ceiling.
It's a ridiculous room, but we love those windows. Hopefully, with so many there are no other houses nearby. No one wants to give the neighbors a show while getting out of the shower.
Nice Place, Crummy Photos
Come on, people. There are plenty of older houses on the market, of course, we don't expect every listing to be of a newly constructed palace, but for the love of God, please at least take a few minutes to organize your house before taking pictures of it. You don't even have to clean it for real, just remove all of the clutter from the frame and put it back when you're done.
This kitchen is part of a lake house that otherwise looks quite charming. The owners could have taken a few extra minutes to tidy it up and do the place justice.
A Ring of Light
At least, we've seen the light. A giant, Ring Pop shaped light that is. The light itself isn't that bad, but it's totally out of place outside of this garage. We have to wonder whether the owners chose the light first and then built the structure around it or if they built the garage, went shopping for lighting, found this "gem," and decided to go for it. It's like a chicken-egg situation.
Aside from sticking out like a sore thumb, this thing must attract a ton of bugs. This is probably not the best yard to hang out in during the summer.
Life in Miniature
Apparently, closet bedrooms don't just exist in New York, though at least this one in London comes with a bathroom. It's basically a shower with a toilet in it, but at least one can do their business in private without having to share with all of the neighbors, or should we say, "neighbours," since it's London. The added privacy comes at a cost - rent is listed at $1,100 per month.
It's probably a decent place to have if you're relatively well-off and just looking to crash in the city occasionally, but to live full time? You can't even cook a real meal.
Pattern Clash
At our count, there are at least seven different types of materials used in this space. We get that minimalist, Scandanavian-style design is becoming increasingly overdone, but there's gotta be a way to incorporate color and texture into your space that doesn't look quite so mismatched. Why does anyone need a path like this inside anyway? Go with hardwood or go with tile, but this is an odd way to use both.
Also, the feature on the left looks like some kind of fireplace, which is fine and dandy except for the fact that there is no chimney. What else could you even put there?
A Desert Mine Shaft
What in tarnation is going on here? Who in tarnation wants to live in this place? It's smack dab in the middle of nowhere in the Nevada desert, looks like some kind of military watchtower, and the best part is that inside there are two full-sized organs (the musical instrument, not like, hearts) from the 1930s. It's 4 stories tall and contains 22 total rooms, including what looks like some kind of mine shaft.
We have so many questions about how all of this came to be. It seems like the place was designed for someone who must very rarely want to leave their house.
Tacky Bathroom
Just... no. This bathroom has left us at a loss for words. It's actually pretty nice, with the exception of the horribly tacky and offensive text built into the tile on the wall, but that alone would be a deal-breaker for us. It doesn't even make sense. Whoever lives in the house would most likely be the one to get naked in this bathroom, so who is it that's actually asking for the nudes?
Is the person supposed to send these pictures to themself? The owner could have just gone with a cheeky shower curtain instead of making this a permanent part of the wall.
A Room for Romeo and Juliet
This room is like a weird feature in a Sims house that shouldn't actually exist in real life. It's a guest bedroom and bathroom, which in theory is fine, except the rooms are separated by a balcony which is only accessible from the hallway. The balcony looks down on both rooms, but we have to imagine there was a better way to divide them, like maybe an old-fashioned wall?
Imagine waking up in the bedroom or using the bathroom and looking up to see someone standing on the balcony above. We can't think of any reason why the builder did it this way.
Overpriced, Under-Serviced.
Not every house on the market is going to be a newly built palace, nor would we expect them to be, but this one is listed at over half a million dollars, which seems a bit high given the state of it. It's a tiny, one-story house with hardly any land around it. Even the driveway has almost completely worn away. The powerlines running through the neighborhood don't help, either.
They're probably intending for someone to buy the lot, tear down the house and build a new one, but if that's the case, what's the point in even posting pictures of it?
It Puts the Toys in the Basket
A house with an inground pool sounds nice, and an indoor pool sounds even better - until you see that it looks like this. This doesn't even look like an actual house, it seems more like some kind of community retirement center, albeit an odd one. If carpeting in a bathroom is a bad idea, carpet that surrounds an indoor pool is even worse, although at least the owners drained it.
Based on this image, they've been using it as a play area for children, which is a little creepy and reminds us of the movie 'The Silence of the Lambs.'
Secret Bathtub
This bathing nook is actually kind of cute, the problem is that its design doesn't go with the rest of the apartment. Next to the toilet through the window is a bathtub, and we don't hate the idea of lighting some candles and sneaking away to take a nice bubble bath. The designer could have just made the window in a different shape so that it doesn't look like part of a church.
It's probably not the best place to live if you have children, though. There's also no way to turn on the water and let it heat up without getting all wet.
Purple Palace
It's a decent-sized space and at least it's clean, which is more than we can say for many of the other houses that we came across. All in all, the design it's even that bad, it's just kind of dated. Those couches and that fish take scream '90s, and none of the furniture really works with the purple-striped walls. The carpeting could probably also stand to be ripped up and replaced.
It has good bones, and with a little elbow grease could probably make for a beautiful space. Although we can imagine it's take quite a few coats of paint to cover up those walls.
The Floor Is Lava
Speaking of obnoxious color schemes, this house is in need of some serious updates - starting with the color of the floor. We have nothing against bright colors, but this amount of red is just too much, especially since the furniture is the exact same shade. It looks like the furniture grew out of the ground. We can't figure out how any of this relates to the blue wall, either.
On its own, the blue color is kind of nice, but it should have ended at the ceiling. We're also curious about what looks like some kind of robot-mannequin on the left.
Y Tho?
We actually love this little space on its own. It looks like an adorable and cozy studio apartment, and the owner should have no trouble renting it out in theory. What we don't understand though are the furniture choices. Sure, people tend to use leftover or thrifted pieces when it comes to furnishing a second home, but there must have been a more appropriately-sized bed available than this four-poster monstrosity.
At least it goes with the coffee table, but they've lost us again when it comes to that chair. Whoever decorated this room could have definitely made some better choices.
Multipurpose Room
It's the toilet for us. We've pretty much seen it all at this point - a jailcell bathroom in a basement, a bathroom with a balcony, and a bathroom with no door, but we still have no idea what's going on in this picture. Was this originally a bathroom that was converted into a bedroom? And someone figured that the best way to do this was just to cover the toilet with a sheet?
Why is the toilet on a platform? And don't even get us started on the carpeting. It doesn't even look like there's a sink or any sort of toilet paper holder on the wall.
A Surprise Inside
The weirdest part about this room is that it's inside a plain brick house. Nothing about the facade would at all imply that this is what you can expect upon entering it. It's not a mansion and actually looks pretty old and rundown, but apparently, that's because all of the previous owners' money went toward crystal chandeliers and historic paintings. The decorations don't exactly make sense with these floor tiles, either.
Every room is like this, too. There's just so much going on that you can't help but feel like it's all closing in on you. Whoever lived here had eclectic taste.
Treehouse
The angles of this room are a bit unusual, but overall it's a really beautiful space, with the exception of the freaking downed tree running through it. It'd be a cool feature as part of a cabin in the woods, but this house is located just outside of Chicago. We can't imagine this is a feature on the lists of most potential buyers. It also seems like a real safety hazard. T
The weirdest part is that the listing doesn't even acknowledge it. So many details about the house are included, but it's almost like they're hoping that potential buyers won't notice.
Living Room or Bedroom?
What is it about this exact shade of purple that resonates such strong '90s energy? And the color's not even close to the worst offender in this room. Can anyone explain what's going on with the ceiling? It's like they had the idea to paint a mural up there but then gave up after adding just a few people. It looks incomplete and kind of reminds us of temporary tattoos.
Also, why is the couch facing toward the bed? Surely, the fireplace behind it would be a much more enjoyable site, and don't get us started on that dangerously high television.
Pieces of Flair
All white everything has become an incredibly popular decorating trend over the last few years, usually inspired by classic Scandanavian design techniques, but we'd wager a guess that this was not the approach this designer was going for. To be fair, this is the only white room in the house, but the other rooms all look like they're straight out of the '70s, complete with Harvest Gold and Burnt Sienna.
One of the rooms even has a crochet ceiling. If none of this is enough to make anyone put in an offer, perhaps the restaurant-style Elvis shrine in the basement will convince them.
You're Not Fooling Anyone
What is it with all of these midwestern houses built to look like castles? This is easily the worst one we've seen; these people just added concrete towers to the four corners of their house and called it a day. Nothing about it is historically accurate, and it doesn't look anything like a real castle. This is the back, but the owners actually covered the whole front of the house with concrete to match the towers.
They could have at least covered all four sides. The inside looks like a totally normal house, but you'd never know it from seeing these pictures. The worst part is, it's under contract.