There should be a weekly program online about Americans and the darndest things that they say. Candian comedian Rick Mercer has done a few specials entitled "Talking To Americans", but a couple of short segments are not enough to capture the absurdity of some of the foolish statements that Americans have said. So instead of a 5-minute television segment, I, along with the internet have come up with 40 of the most foolish statements that non-Americans have been fortunate enough to witness Americans say. Let's have look...
1. "Looking For The Polar Bear Club"
Americans have gained a reputation for assuming that all because an animal is native to a specific region, it must be seen frequently by the locals. This is evident by a question that a Norwegian was asked..."Do polar bears walk around in the streets in Norway?"
Every now and again there might be a polar bear that wanders into a populated area, but those occasions are few and far between. It's not like the bears stroll around the streets of Oslo at night looking for a disco. They are extremely busy creatures, with very demanding schedules.
2. "A A Ron"
Due to the wide range of languages that have been spoken throughout history, it is understandable that there are the spelling of names that are more common in some places than in others.
Let's take this time to mention a few of the names that Americans use unique spelling for: Aaron (why two "A's") and Jaxson (why the "x" and the "s"?). At least no one has named their child "North West" or "Moon Unit"...
3. "There's Grass In France? Sacré Bleu"
When most of us think about France, we think of Paris. This is probably because of the Eiffel Tower or, perhaps, because of all the cafes and bakeries that we have dreamt of visiting. Regardless of what the reason might be, many Americans picture all of France to be one giant metropolitan city, with no grassland or natural landscape.
In fact, almost anywhere that one may go in France, they will be treated to magnificent scenery that they will not soon be forgetting.
4. "Closed Captioning
There are some individuals who predominantly rent foreign films with subtitles because it makes them feel more cultured. There are others who don't go out of their ways to find subtitled films but they don't avoid watching them either. And then, there's this person...
According to this film critic, English is only a language that can be spoken, not read.
5. "They Don't Even Speak The Same Language"
It is no secret, that geography is not amongst the things that Americans tend to be knowledgeable about. So, when someone from Rio de Janeiro met someone from Florida, they probably shouldn't have been too shocked at what was said...
The Floridian looked the Brazilian square in the eye and said, "The closest I've been to Brazil was Spain". I'd like to think that the Floridian was insinuating that Brazil was in Europe, but something tells me that they might have thought that Spain was actually in South America.
6. "July 4th Is The Recovery Day From 3 Days Earlier"
Being raised with the notion that America is the "greatest country in the world", and that everyone else in the world is just as stoked about America as Americans are, has led to some rather egocentric questions on AskReddit...
Do people in America celebrate the independence days of Burundi, Rwanda, or Somalia? How about northern Australia's "Territory Day" or Canada's "Canada Day" (all are on July 1st)? In Vietnam, they actually celebrate defeating America and reunifying their country every April 30th, so they probably won't be having a 4th of July BBQ either.
7. "It's Not That far"
Heading down to the United States used to be a good way for Canadians to get goods that were not sold north of the border. Some Canadian cities are only about an hour's drive to the nearest American city, but the locals in those American cities still find it necessary to comment about how much snow they must get "way up there in Canada".
This picture isn't of Canada, it's from someone's house in Buffalo, New York. There are a few states whose boundaries end further north than some Canadian cities are located. In fact, the entire state of Maine is located north of the city of Toronto.
8. "They've Taken Root"
Duck season! Rabbit season! Duck season! Rabbit season!...Birch season?
I'd be curious to know how long this scientist was waiting in the bushes for one of these trees to come out of hiding. There must be a better way to track the migration of...the trees?
9. "Third World Problems"
Over the past century, most of the world has made the switch from the imperial system of measurement to the metric system. This next statement is from an American who explains why America has not made the switch, and they do it with such style...
I suppose that means that every country apart from America, parts of the United Kingdom, Liberia, and Myanmar, are considered to be third world. Seems like they might have that a bit backward.
10. "What Do You Use?"
Due to its vibrant history, it's easy to forget how young of a country America is sometimes. The United States is to Britain as a teenager is to their parent. They always think they're right and whenever possible, they take credit for everything great that happens.
It's actually amazing to see that someone who was able to use the word "akin" correctly in a sentence was unaware of the fact that forks were not an American invention. The first settlers to America, most likely, used forks on the boat ride over to the "New World".
11. "No Idea What You're On Aboot"
There are 24 official languages in Europe, so it's understandable when someone from Sweden was slightly confused upon being asked by an American, "Do you speak European?"
Asking someone from Europe if they speak European is like asking someone from Thailand if they speak Asian or asking a Canadian if they speak Canadian.
12. "Brrr...It's Cold In Here"
There are a few questions that Canadians get asked, at least, once in their lives and they are usually asked by their neighbors to the south. At least once in their lives, every Canadian will be asked if they play hockey and if they live in an igloo.
Now, I do understand that it tends to get pretty cold up in Canada, and yes, there are still some people in Northern Canada who do live in igloos. However, asking a Canadian if they live in igloos is the same as assuming that Americans all live in teepees.
13. "They Also Use Forks"
A lot of people who grow up in the States don't know very much about other countries. Most of what they know comes from what they see on TV.
And in Germany, they don't have electricity. It would be very interesting to sit down with this person and hear what they think the world outside America is like.
14. "Home & Away"
Upon meeting an Aussie who was visiting America, one American asked if their television programs are in Australian instead of English.
Sure, Australians sound a little funny when they speak, but they're still speaking English. If they're curious about whether or not there are Australian programs that star Aussies, then the answer is yes.
15. "Christmas In July"
With all of the confusion in regards to timezones and the way toilets flush in the northern and southern hemispheres, I suppose it's reasonable enough when Americans get mixed up with when months are as well.
An Australian was asked by an American acquaintance of theirs, "When do you guys have December?", assuming that because it was summer in Australia, while it was winter in America, December must have been in July.
16. "Woo! Metric System!"
Most Americans choose to complain about the things they don't understand instead of accepting that they just might be the ones who need to "get with the times".
As an Australian airline, I'm fairly certain that Qantas doesn't care that they "deal" with pounds in America - the majority of the world "deals" in kilograms.
17. "Second Star To The Right, And Straight On Till Morning""
"The Netherlands isn't a real place, that's where Peter Pan lives" is not just something that Joey Tribbiani has said.
Many people in America don't realize that Holland and the Netherlands are actually the same place. And in all fairness, if one were to visit any of the cafes in the Netherlands, they might feel as though they are flying.
18. "Are There Still 365 Days?"
"There are 18 months of the year in your country?" is a serious question that was asked when an American saw the date written out as 18/04/95 on a non-American's ID card. (Highlighted below are the places in the world that follow the Month/Day/Year format of writing the date.)
Start at the lowest denomination and work towards the largest. It's just more logical to use the dd/mm/yy format. It's like the metric system, it just makes more sense.
19. "Third World? They, Are The North!"
It takes a little bit more than an hour to drive from Toronto, Canada to Buffalo, New York. An hour and a half tops. Yet, for some reason, there are still a large number of Americans who believe that Canada is no different than a third-world country, whose population lives in igloos and eats whale blubber.
The Americans who think those things, really need to get out more. They have no idea what they're missing. From east to west, Canada is stocked full of large cities with modern technology and has one of the best economies in the world. Oh yeah, and the only ones who walk around with guns in Canada are the police.
20. "Merrikuh!"
It's becoming increasingly evident that some serious attention needs to be put into reformatting its geography curriculum.
Two out of three are spelled incorrectly, two of the three aren't countries, and all three have at least one mistake. Just wonderful.
21. "The World Should Be Colourblind"
It really should not come as a surprise anymore when we hear people from America ask questions like "How can you be from England. You're not white?".
It might come as a bit of a shock to some people, but due to immigration, there are people of all races and colors almost everywhere in the world.
22. "How Many Days Are In Their Year?"
When trying to save for the future every little bit counts. But when saving, with a goal in mind, it's best to double and triple-check one's math.
We can add math to the list of subjects that Americans have trouble with. The unfortunate thing is, this person probably used a calculator and still couldn't get it right. Decimal places sure can be troublesome.
23. "Liberty And Justice For All"
Politics has been somewhat of a dividing issue in America for a while now, but over the past few years, things have taken a turn for the worse.
People like this are not helping to heal America. They are feeding into the hate that is spreading like wildfire across the nation. The "Pledge" is referencing the "Republic of the United States of America". The "Pledge" is meant to unite and should not be used as a method to divide an already fractured people.
24. "Ours Is Longer"
As different as education systems are around the world, there are a few subjects that are taught globally. It should be easy for any American to start a conversation with someone about basic maths, geography, science, and, of course...American History? "You don't study American history?" an American asked in dismay when told by a Brit that they have their own history to study in schools.
The history of America is definitely colorful, but for someone from Europe, the start of American history is part of recent European history. That's like teaching an American from the 80s about life in the late-70s.
25. "The United States Is Part Of 'North' America"
One of the first lessons about maps that are taught n geography class is about the "Prime Meridian" and the "Equator". For those who have "forgotten" they are the lines that separate the globe into hemispheres.
Hemispheres can be very tough for some people, but if the line in the middle of the map is too much for some people, I'd be worried to see them driving down a 3 or 4 lane road.
26. "There Just Aren't Enough Windows"
The ignorance of some people in America is simply astonishing, but saying, "Oh, you're from Egypt! Do you live in a pyramid?" to an Egyptian just takes it to a whole other level.
Asking an Egyptian if they live in a pyramid is along the same lines as asking a Canadian if they live in an igloo, or someone from China if they have a wall built around their house.
27. "Shocking Revelations"
Upon meeting someone from Germany for the first time, one American asked possibly the most telling question that one could ask, "Is there electricity in Germany?" A lot of the things that Americans know about other countries can be attributed to what they've learned about their involvement in the wars that America has taken part in.
By the end of WW2, the United States and the other Allied nations had bombarded Germany with over 1 million tons of explosives. It's no wonder some Americans think that Germany might not have any electricity these days.
28. "We're Number 1!"
It is not uncommon for people to be taken aback by hearing some of the things that Americans say. There is one thing in particular that usually gets a laugh from most non-Americans.
There was definitely a time when America was the best country in the world, but that time is long gone. As a result of some questionable decisions, America has become a shadow of its former self. The good news is, it's never too late to rebuild a public image.
29. "Timing Is Everything"
Learning about timezones can be very confusing at first, but by the time we're into our teens, most of us have got it figured out.
Assuming that is how timezones work, why would China warn the States about anything? I'd be curious as to why Australia didn't warn anyone...if that's how timezones worked. It's not.
30. "Goes Together Like A Horse And Carriage"
When a Danish man (a man from Denmark, not a person who is made out of danishes) mentioned something about his automobile to an American he had met, he was shocked to find out that the American believed that horse and carriages were still the main mode of transportation in Denmark.
A few petty cabs could still be seen around Denmark, but they are very few and far between. Most people find the mode of transportation borderline barbaric.
31. "Spring Break!"
Knowing where on the map every country is might be a bit too much to ask for some people, but everyone should, at least, know which continent the larger countries are a part of. An American has actually been heard saying "Australia is the Florida of Europe".
I'm fairly certain that one of the southern European countries might be closer to being the Florida of Europe than a country that's almost 10,000 miles away.
32. "The Spyder, Man"
Americans are apparently very curious about Germany but know very little about it. Asking a German person "Are there nice cars in Germany?" is a reasonable question to ask...
...Unless, of course, the person asking the question is driving one of the vehicles in question. I'm not saying that people need to know where every car originated from, but it wouldn't hurt to know a bit about the vehicles they own.
33. "The Language of The South"
These days, knowing more than one language is a rare skill that not many people have, and with more than 6,500 languages in the world, it's tough to keep track of them all. When one American met someone who spoke Albanian, their response was priceless.
"I didn't know Alabama had its own language?"
"I didn't know Alabama had its own language?"
First of all, people from Alabama do speak their own language, but it's not Albanian. Second of all, seriously!?
34. "Football. Soccer. Footy. It Really Doesn't Matter"
Sports have long been a topic of debate amongst people from different continents. For instance, most non-Americans find it odd that there are so many play-stoppages in American Football. Likewise, most Americans find soccer to be too slow and uneventful, despite the lack of commercial breaks.
I can not stress enough how important it is to educate the American population on world geography. There are almost 60 COUNTRIES combined between the two CONTINENTS that were mentioned above.
35. "This, Coming From You?"
There are more than a few countries in Europe that are considered to be world leaders in the medical world. In fact, the United States gets a lot of its medical supplies from European countries.
Not knowing what's going on outside of their lands? That sounds a bit more like the 66% of Americans who don't have passports than the 75% of people from the United Kingdom, who do.
36. "They Stole That From Us!"
Upon seeing French President Emmanual Macron on TV one American stated "I thought presidents were an American thing..."
Although America claims to be the pinnacle example for democracy in the world, it is far from the only nation in the world that has a president. In fact, some countries, like France and Portugal, have both a President and a Prime Minister.
37. "That's preposterous!"
There are many things to which Americans stake a claim, but sometimes they take it too far. When one American was caught saying "Our sun is brighter than yours", they had crossed a line, they were messing with science.
Sorry to tell you, buddy, no it's not, it's no one's sun, and the sun only has one level...and that's bright. The only places where the sun might not shine are the ones with so much pollution that the smog is blocking the sun.
38. "Unsinkable"
The world of cinema has come a long way since the first motion picture was made. Nowadays, some films are so well done that they are able to do a number on the viewer's perception of reality.
James Cameron and his team did one hell of a job with that film, however, the tragedy of the Titanic was not their creation.
39. "Come On Mate, Really?!"
When an Aussie was asked by an American how long they've been speaking English for, there were not many ways to answer that question without breaking the stereotype of Australians being friendly and polite.
Granted, Australians are rather hard to understand sometimes, especially if they're from the outback. Australians have about as much of their own language as the folks from Alabama do.
40. "Forgotten Empires"
Most films that we have seen about Mexico take place in either the cities or the desert, which is probably why an American asked the Mexican gentleman whom he had met "Do you have grass in Mexico?".
There is actually a larger percentage of Mexico that is forested than there is of America. 33% of the United States is forested, while 34.5% of Mexico is. There is a chance that the American didn't mean that type of grass though...